You Don’t Have All The Answers

You’re the one.

When he said it, I knew the pressure was on yet again. I set myself up. I asked myself why I had to make so much noise when I entered a space. It was important to make a name for myself, but why couldn’t I just do it under the radar? I paused and sat in silence. It’s reminiscent of my days as a quiet kid. I immediately went back into my shell. That’s what I’ve heard all of my life. You’re the one. Can you imagine how frustrating it is when everyone else says that and life is kicking your ass? That’s part of my story. I’m not sharing this to be a braggart or to boast. I’ve heard it over and again. Candidly, it’s one of the many reasons I hid myself from judgement after a while. It can become extremely uncomfortable when others have high expectations of you, especially when it’s coming from people you love.

In my college days, I remember performing in front of an audience of ~100 people. I screwed up. They didn’t know, but I failed to stop thinking about it. For the next several weeks, I replayed that moment in my head, so I practiced and practiced until I finally got it right. I promised myself that I wouldn’t screw up again . . . then it happened. This time the audience was much bigger. In front of hundreds of people I froze, but I couldn’t let them see it. I improvised. In the moment, it felt great to know that I was capable of adjusting on the spot, but I am far too critical of myself to let a moment like that pass without overanalyzing it. I couldn’t get over it. This pattern replayed for me so many times that I couldn’t stop practicing. Practice? Practice? Yes, we’re talking about practice. I needed it. Otherwise, I ran the risk of failure and that was something I simply couldn’t afford. The wild part about it is when I considered the expectations other people had of me, I thought I should have already exceeded them.

I struggled asking for help. It’s something I’m still learning today. It took me a while to understand how important it was to simply say, “I don’t know.” Even when it felt like I disappointed people by not having the answer, it felt liberating to be transparent. It meant I could focus on what mattered. There was more for me to learn.

It is laughable that there was ever a point in time I thought I should have all of the answers. It’s an impossible feat. I might be somewhat intelligent, but it’s asinine to believe anyone knows it all. When I finally accepted that, real growth started to occur for me. It was okay to say I didn’t know. It was okay to ask for help. It was okay to practice. I say it frequently now, but lack of confidence is tied to one of two things — lack of preparation or lack of information. As long as we know where we stand, we give ourselves an opportunity to succeed, assuming we’re willing to commit to the work.

You ARE the one. You just need to accept it, stay focused and remain committed to being the best version of yourself.

That’s what you deserve.