Somebody Loves You
Today has been one of the toughest days I’ve had in a long time. It’s my younger brother’s birthday and it’s still hard to believe he is no longer here. As much as I have written and talked about it, it’s still an odd feeling to say my brothers are gone. One might think that after two years, it would sting a lot less. I thought so. It simply doesn’t. My heart beats a lot differently these days.
I spent a lot of time being upset with God about all of this. I spent a lot of time being upset with myself. Birthdays, holidays, the days my brothers passed etc. all bring emotions to the surface that I’m never sure how I’m going to handle.
Why did things have to end up this way?
I tried to come up with all of the words to describe it then a song came to mind.
It’s one they used to sing/rap, but of course, we didn’t know how relatable it would eventually be.
“I know that feeling when it feel like nobody care
When you goin' through yo problems, seem like nobody there
I started to question myself if God really care
Sometime I cut off all the lights in the room and stare
Wonder if he brought me this far to drop me off here
I know it seem like sometimes life ain't fair
They say the only thing you can count on in this world is prayer
I prayed so much that I thought that God couldn't hear . . .
The streets make it so hard for you to think clear
I'd give up all this sh*t to have my brother(s) here”
I can’t say that I feel every word of these lyrics, but they mostly sum up the way today felt.
The truth is, there are few things in this world like losing the people you love.
That feeling has become far too common over the last few years and it’s scary to think about.
When the phone rings and the anxiety creeps back in, one simply has to adjust.
My brothers. Three of them… changed my family forever.
It’s difficult to explain.
Today, I smiled as much as I could. I joked. I laughed. I cried. I gave myself the space to feel the pain of every single loss.
My family’s story is still being written.
Somebody loves you.
It came in the most unexpected way, but I needed it today.
Somebody loves you . . . keep fighting.
-TK
