How To Save Yourself From Suffering
I saw someone share, “God is not preparing you for anything. You’re just suffering.” I have expressed to people close to me that whenever a major shift is about to occur in my life, I face tests that I’m never actually sure how I will overcome until they arrive. Most of the time, I have no idea how or why some obstacles find their way to me. The pain can be disheartening, stressful and overwhelming, if it is allowed. Without faith, I wouldn’t have anything to lean on. I don’t recall a week in recent memory when I failed to reflect and think to myself, “That was tough.” I’ve managed to make it through every single one of them though. God gives his toughest tests to his strongest soldiers, they say. Those soldiers frequently grow tired of being strong. I know because I had a platoon in that army for a long time.
Step by step we marched together with no clue where the journey might end. Left. Left. Left. Right. Left. With the sound of our feet touching the ground in unison, the connection we built became more apparent. In preparation for combat, our endurance needed to be tested. We trained our minds and bodies. We laughed together. We struggled together. We learned together. Our bootcamp gave us the confidence that we were ready. The battle was upon us. To each of our surprise, what we prepared for was simply the tip of the iceberg. One after another, the bodies piled up and we were all separated. We learned there are certain battles that must be fought alone.
No matter which map I pulled up, the directions seemed to lead me in the opposite direction of where I wanted to go. I had to find my north star. It is in this alignment where hope once again became real. I have little interest in a lot of what other people enjoy. More often than not, I move alone. That might not be the right answer in a lot of situations, but whether I fail or succeed is better in my hands than someone else’s. I have learned to adapt when the circumstances require something different and candidly, it has served me well. I enjoy connecting with people, but I value my time in solitude.
As you likely can imagine, I write a lot. Whenever I need to process my thoughts, I gather a pen and paper, head over to my notes app or grab my computer and let it out. In good times and not so good ones, writing is the portal to unlock everything for me. My hands lightly tap the keys as the words flow often before I have even fully processed the thought. Many times it is a single thought that inspires some of my best written work. Other times, it’s the need to free myself from the emotions trapped inside.
Here is one of those examples:
Of this darkness, I cannot speak. Of this suffering, I cannot feel.
Of this change, I may not understand. Of this pain, only time can heal.
Of this journey, I cannot articulate. This walk is difficult to explain.
When all else disappears, it is love that remains.
Life happens so quickly. Death frequently comes without warning.
Weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.
I wrote this during a troubling time. It is one of many pieces hosted in the storage of the same computer I am using to write this. Every time it has ever felt like I didn’t have anything left, I fought with everything to prove otherwise. I have enough experience to know the power that lies within. I said to myself, I wish I had all of the answers to each of these tests. God quickly responded and said, “You do.” That’s when it struck me like lightning. Stop searching on the outside for what’s on the inside.
Faith is the difference. When I couldn’t stand on my own, grace arrived to pick me up. When I didn’t know how to move forward, the promise reminded me to just walk. When I didn’t know who to lean on, my purpose put me in a position to stand tall. When I didn’t know where to go or what to do, my faith carried me through it all.
Whether you believe you’re just suffering or being prepared for something, you’re probably right either way. Your truth is yours to nurture. Here’s an alternative perspective. Don’t let your pain go to waste. Use it. Be a vessel. Your testimony might be the key to save others. That’s worth it to me.
You’re worth it. Don’t forget it.
No matter what happens in your life . . .
No matter how tough it gets. . .
Remember . . . It’s gonna hurt, but it won’t kill you.
-TK
